Thursday, March 26, 2009

Feeling guilty when he does more...

So, many mamas feel angry when our husbands and partners don't do more around the house and with the kids. Many of us bitch about it, some of us demand change, but many of us just 'suck it up' and do it ourselves. Often this is due to the fact that we live in a society that tells us that's what good mothers do. Don't complain. And some of us feel superior by doing it, so we kind of like it on some level. This becomes especially clear when hubby starts doing more than he has been. My husband has easily been doing his fair share since I started working full-time. I give him major props for that. Now, at times, he actually ends up picking up the slack with the boy and food and cleaning more than I do, which has ruffled my feathers a bit. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I'm fine with him doing his half, but when it creeps into more than that, I start to think I'm being a bad mother. Funny though, that few men think they are being a bad father by doing less than an equal half. Society doesn't tell them they are bad fathers if they do less. We need to listen for the messages we're being fed. It's okay for my husband to do more than half sometimes.

1 comments:

rousse said...

Relationships are complex, that's for sure. I know my husband likes housework even less than I do, and feels much less conflicted than I do when it doesn't get done, but I also know that I count on him in many subtle ways to support me emotionally. It's a cliche, but it *is* nice to have a man around the house, who uncomplainingly (but admittedly not without prompting) deals with the emergency sewer line break, fixes the tires, does the heavy work in the yard - and (often most importantly) fixes my computer connection from time to time.

I don't deny your point that it is unfair - it sure is! But I've had to learn how not to be resentful, because everything really goes to hell when I let my anger do the talking.